A friend of mine is going through a bit of a rough patch, she’s separating from her partner, they’ve been together forever, but seem to have drifted apart and divorce seems to be the likely outcome.
I don’t understand how this happens, how can two people who meet and fall in love then drift apart and want different things in life, it doesn’t make sense, yet it seems to happen to often, the rate of divorce is almost the same as people getting married in some places.
Of course I want to be there for my friend, and help her get her feet back on the ground again and live her life, even if the relationship improves and they stay together. I think it’s important when you’re in a relationship to have your own interests and friends, and do things without your partner.
At least then when you catch up with your partner at the end of the day you have something to talk about rather than nothing to talk about because you were together when anything happened during the day. Not doing this seems to eventually lead to divorce, and that is so sad.
Separation and divorce can be hard for both parties but even harder on the innocent ones, your children. Raw emotion can get in the way and before you know it your children have to watch you in a screaming match ripping each other apart.
Young minds are impressionable and even more so knowing they belong to the divorced parents club. Children react differently to the Separation and sometimes blame themselves or lash out and become rebellious. At all costs no matter how hard the divorce or separation is your children should always come first.
Try and put your differences aside and help your children cope with the idea that one of you will be moving out. Children need to understand that they’re still loved and that they weren’t the cause of the separation.
Children need to feel like they still have two loving parents, who they can look up to and speak openly and honestly with. More often than not, divorce or separation can become quite ugly and blaming the other spouse can happen whilst talking to the children. Children should not be put in the situation of being pressured into loving or hating one parent more than the other.
For the love of your children don’t pass the blame, after all you only have yourselves to blame. Remember your children look up to you as their role models so talk to one another and try to lose the foul language and screaming matches because after all you all share one thing in common, your family.
Starting again after a separation or divorce has got to be one of the most difficult things a person can do. Going from a shared life to one where you have to do everything for yourself isn’t easy.
Before, you had two people paying the rent or mortgage, two people to help with family responsibilities, and then suddenly it seems as if only one is doing everything.
I know this is a simplistic way of looking at things, some people will separate and feel a sense of relief that their life is their own again, but friends I’ve known who got divorced all say it is both the worst thing to ever happen to them, and then later, once they’re back on their feet again, the best thing that ever happened to them.
I have family who divorced, and I remember the utter heartbreak and inconsolable grief they experienced, as well as the panic about whether they will manage on their own.
Luckily, most people seem to get by, and most eventually find some kind of happiness again, but it does seem to take a long time, unless the relationship was over long before the divorce, then I’ve known people to get right back into dating, and even get married again quite soon.
For these people divorce was just the final step before taking on their own destiny. One of my friends cam from a bad marriage, was glad to get out of it, then met the man she married a few years later and they have a wonderful life together.
Divorce or Separation | Pixabella | 
January 18, 2009 7:43 pm | 
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